帰郷予定
３年前、代表交代時点では、「４月〜１１月までは毎月、月半ばの２週間は隠岐で・・」などと考えていた。ところが思うように行かないのが人生。3年経った今では、月1週間がままならず、今年は５・６月に帰っただけで、７・８月は帰れずじまい。というと、いかにも多忙で帰る時間が取れず、的なイメージになると思うが、実はさにあらず。単に帰っていないだけのこと。
理由は簡単。思っていたほど田舎での漁師生活は楽で無く、操船、釣り、天候、一人暮らしがままならず、田舎暮らしへの思いが薄らいだ事が原因。と思ったが、必ずしもそうでは無い。２ケ月も帰らないと、また帰りたくなる。実に身勝手である。よって、今週末から1週間ほど帰ることにした。隠岐の鯛が海の底（100メートル）から、遊んでやるから帰れ、かえれ、と呼ぶんだもん・・・。
そう云えば、最近、巷で一寸話題になっている、阿川佐和子の「強父論」を読んだ。佐和子の父、弘之が昨年8月に94歳で大往生。その父親を、思いで深く赤裸々に著した、追悼書であるが、父、阿川弘之の身勝手さは見事と云うしかない。父、弘之氏は、瞬間湯沸かし器の如く、突如激昂、「子供に人権はないと思え。文句があるなら出ていけ。のたれ死のうが女郎屋に行こうが、俺の知ったこっちゃない」……娘のちょっとした口応えに対して、弘之氏は烈火のごとく怒る。これが日常茶飯事で、弘之氏の口癖であったという。そして晩年は、「老人ホームに入れたら、自殺してやる！」と脅していたようであるが、流石に最後は老人病院にお世話になる。しかしここでも弘之氏は勝手気ままを貫く。まさに娘、佐和子にとっては、強父（恐怖）の父親であった。それでも佐和子は、病室にすき焼き鍋を持ち込み、炊き立てのすき焼きを食べさせたと云う。父、娘の関係（愛情）は、言葉では言い表せないものなのかも・・・。
この「強父論」を読んで意を強くした。小生の身勝手さなど可愛いもの・・。弘之氏に言わせれば、「それでも男か？」くらいの勢い。ただ、男が身勝手を通そうと思うと、その分遣ることはやらなければならない。
Three years ago, at the time of the change of representatives, I was thinking, “Every month from April to November, two weeks in the middle of the month in the Oki Islands…” and so on. Now, after three years, I can’t get a week a month, and this year I only went back in May and June, and I couldn’t go back in July and August. When you think about it, it may sound like you’re too busy to take time to go home, but that’s not true. It’s simply that he hasn’t left.
The reason is simple. Life as a fisherman in the countryside was not as easy as he thought it would be, and he couldn’t navigate the boats, fish, weather, or live by himself, and his love of country life waned. If you don’t go back for two months, you want to go back. It is truly selfish. Therefore, I decided to go home for a week from this weekend. The Oki sea breams call from the bottom of the sea (100 meters), “Go home” and “Kaeere” because they will play with you….
Speaking of which, I read “Strong Fathers” by Sawako Agawa, which has been the topic of conversation recently. Sawako’s father, Hiroyuki, passed away in August last year at the age of 94. This book is a tribute to his father, who was deeply and unapologetically written with his thoughts, and the selfishness of his father, Hiroyuki Agawa, is nothing short of brilliant. My father, Hiroyuki, suddenly raged like a hot water heater, saying, “Think of children as having no human rights. If you’re complaining, get out. I don’t care if you die or go to a brothel…” Hiroyuki was furious at his daughter’s slight response. It is said that this was an everyday occurrence, and it was a habit of Hiroyuki’s. And in his later years, “If I put you in a nursing home, I’ll kill myself! But as expected, he would be taken care of at the hospital for the elderly in the end. But even here, Hiroyuki continues to do as he pleases. For his daughter, Sawako, he was a strong (fearful) father. Nevertheless, Sawako had brought a sukiyaki pot into the hospital room and fed him freshly cooked sukiyaki. The relationship (love) between father and daughter may be something that cannot be expressed in words…
I read this “Strong Patriotism” and was strengthened by it. My selfishness is a cute thing… In Hiroyuki’s words, “Still a man? The momentum is about the same. However, if a man wants to be selfish, he has to do what he has to do.
*** Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version) ***
